the moments you visualize that may or may not be

Maybe it's my reminiscent nature, but I can't shake the beautiful moments. It could have been seeing old faces that looked so hard the times before, but I really cannot get over how much beauty there has been in my life.

It feels wonderful to know that we can still melt people the way we once have. It is more comforting to know that sometimes feelings can be dormant, and stay that way. It is even more astonishing the realization we learn from ourselves, when we understand that we can put a lid on past fondness.

My motto has clearly and 100 percent always been to live for the moments. Whether it is living the moment or knowing that you have created one, I live for the moments.

Moments where candles were lit and jazz was played when we baked ourselves in your bedroom the day of the blizzard. Or the other time I grabbed your face in my hands at my old house and madly adrenalized our lips together. Maybe it was those days when the cold spots in the sheets felt so good since we had been sweating the summer heat out all night side by side. It could have been that day we sat at the park, the place where we broke up to just make up, and saw the alien in the sky transform our beliefs in the beyond. It could have been you back in my bed, tracing dreams in my side with your finger the way I once remembered better than the way to your house. Or maybe it wasn't you, but instead it was him. Yes, now I remember. He was the one that blamed me for "calling the kettle black" just because he knew that I'd come running. Or it was in my car the first time we were ever given the room to be alone. We were stopped at a red light and I looked over at you to my right and whispered "forever yours. faithfully" from that Journey song I never bothered to commit to memory. But if it wasn't him, it was the other guy that had mirrors over his bed and liked it when I slept on top of him to keep us warm. I never even liked him that much but I liked him at the time for the tricks he had hiding up his sleeves. But it could've been you. The boy with the eyes that always look troubled. Maybe it was you who taught me how to have an insatiable appetite for the wild things we did and do. Maybe it was him though, the one I never thought I'd ever leave.. even though I did. It could've been him. Walking arm in arm that one night near the saloon where we mimicked that Bob Dylan cover. I loved that night and I loved the intensity you had for my every word. They just lingered in your mind just as I'd let them slip off my tongue.

If it wasn't him, it was you. But if it wasn't you, it was someone kind of like you, or him. And if it were neither, it was someone else who was outstanding at the time. You all were beautiful. Faces, eyes, lips, hands. All of you were beautiful, but honestly, none of you stood out any more than the other. The only thing I could count on was those moments we had. With you, him, maybe someday her. No one knows. All we know is the moment we are in.

This moment is for you, though. The boy in the car with the Journey song. You probably don't remember. It's okay, I do.