a discourse from the mind in the "new moon"

Maybe we are never better off like we dream we are going to be. Yes, we are changed. We have developed new appreciations for things we, at first, had developed a misunderstanding to. We have reworked our traditional definitions and have transformed them into what we think is right. But we still may not be better off. Different, of course. Bolder and more open and ready to except the plight of the unknown, but not better off entirely.

What spawns this idea of being “better off” is the counteraction that occurs within. When we say we won’t look back because we are better off without - it, him, her, them, that, this – we are rejecting any notion to turn back for one last look. We become the hypocrites that scorn our past, demanding our hearts to follow close behind our minds. But our hearts are a wondrous, disastrous little invention. We are in awe like mystified apocalyptic believers, the ones who swear to see the future in a looking glass, yet we are enlightened not only by these feelings, but by the reservations of our minds. And most always, our mind is going to weigh out each option before running away with one as opposed to our heart, which is ready to book a flight to anywhere.

The mind will always try to convince the heart into these words we’ve been taught to feel when life pulls us to the side. There we are on the side of the road, skinned knees and no direction in sight, lost for the first time alone. We are brainwashed to feel a moment that might not, nor ever has, existed. We step on each crack that we’ve been told not to, because after all, our feet want to feel that same thrill as other’s have. But once we do, we realize its not the actually stepping that makes us believe, but it was the leap of faith that brought us there; The inside observer to an outside world who for once wanted to man-ship and take on a journey for his own pleasure instead of fitting the mold of contentment to those around him.

As we age into what someday “we will become”, we can never go back to being what we once were. There are too many long tales, short rides, and forever-ongoing journeys that have carved away a part of us. But we still commit to the Wiseman’s cryptic whisper “you are better off”. It isn’t necessarily lying when he tells us this, but because we’ve encountered so many roadblocks on the journey to always-forever-better-forever land, we get stumped. We deteriorate into sloths that are lost and lust-greedy. We don’t feel better off and we think we will never learn that meaning because it wasn’t written in the stars – for us, at least.

But what about the possibility that lies deep beneath the surface? Maybe along the road, we discover under full moons filled with heartaches and closets filled with ridden secrets, that the self discovery we endure each day the sun sets is what makes us better off. Maybe “better off” is just a sign directing us into new places and travels that we might have been too fearsome to discover on our own. Maybe we needed the light from our tour guide- Better Off- to lead us into the always-hard-to-pinch “unknowing”.

We are better off if we can take a look inside. We realize, many times too late to have already skipped the appreciation stage that we are better off because we have adapted. We adapted out of the circumstances of life, and through this we have encountered new minds to pick through and new hearts that have sanded and smoothed some of those chipped edges of our hearts. Because we are forever reshaping and reworking our insides, we should accept that better off is not definite or polar. It is evolving, like us, and like the entire sea that brings in new salty sand onto the edges of humanity. We are not specks in the vast universe, because each of us have been that one shell that drifts onto shore that a child down the road wears as her everyday necklace. We are better off when we realize that each of us is more important, and far less important, than we ever could’ve imagined.

But we are mainly “better off” when we’ve learned that we are not alone. When all has been said, spat, scoured, and swooned, we were there with someone, who like us, will be better off.


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The relation to melody? "Roslyn" by Bon Iver & St. Vincent.
http://mp3face.com/2009/10/the-twilight-saga-new-moon-soundtrack/